#1114 Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit, Designer Jeans Made In North Korea, Whatnot

Show 1114 Thursday 3 December

Watch today’s show at YouTube or BlipTV.

Hi, I’m Sarah, welcome to The Daily English Show.

The video we're studying today is by The Onion. It's one of my favourite Onion videos. I think it's hilarious - and it's especially topical for me right now with all the computer trouble I've been having recently.

The video is a parody of a news report and the title is: Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work.

Of course it's funny because of the language they use with a regular news format. And also because it pretty accuarately reflects the experiences that many of us have with electronic equipment, such as it being overpriced and havng impossible-to-open packaging and the help menu being, as they say, a labyrinthy maze of indecipherable topics of use to fucking no one.

I think swearing a lot and becoming frutstrated is pretty common when people are trying to use new electronic devices.

And because this video is full of swearing, it's an interesting one to study the different ways that swear words are used.

For example, you can add the word fucking to a sentence as an intensifier.

So they could say the device doesn’t do the goddamn thing it’s supposed to, but by adding fucking, it doesn’t do the goddamn thing it’s fucking supposed to, it gives the sentence extra strength.

And they could say: Sony is expecting it to become the next gizmo you absolutely have to own.

But they say: Sony is expecting it to become the next fucking gizmo you absolutely have to fucking own.

Another example, you could say: I spent all night doing my homework.

Or, to make your sentence more intense, you could say: I spent all fucking night doing my fucking homework.

Another way you can use fucking is to add it to the middle of words.

For example: This coffee is de-fucking-licious.

Or: That movie was fan-fucking-tastic.

And in the video they're talking about getting a friend to figure out the device and they say: Unless one of them is a rocket scientist, Sony pretty much guaran-fucking-tees they’ll have no chance.

Finally, another thing you can do is add as fuck or as hell to the end of adjectives to mean very.

In the video they say that Sony's new product is backward as fuck and the functions are frustrating as hell.

STICK NEWS

Kia ora, in Stick News today designer jeans made in North Korea are about to go on sale in Sweden.

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea or North Korea is a country in East Asia, famous for its shyness.

Wikipedia says: The foreign relations of North Korea are often tense and unpredictable.

The country is "one of the world's most authoritarian societies" and is "technically still in a state of war with South Korea and the West".

In 2007, three Swedish entrepeuners decided to start a designer jeans business and have their jeans made in North Korea.

Now, after two and a half years of work, Noko Jeans are ready to launch. The jeans only come in black and are availalbe in two styles: kara and oke.

And that was Stick News for Thursday the 3rd of December.

Kia ora.

Word of the Day

Today's word is whatnot.

whatnot, noun, used when you are referring to sth, but are not being exact and do not mention its name

For example: It's a new firm. They make toys and whatnot.

It's like the word stuff.

So you could say: They make toys and stuff.

In the video a guy talking about the new product says: It’s got a whole bunch more… memory and megapixels, and whatnot than any of the other TV shit that I already have.

conversations with sarah

#707 What does hillbilly mean?

Step 1: Repeat Kim's lines.

Step 2: Read Kim's lines and talk to Sarah.

Kim What does hillbilly mean?

Sarah I think it just means somebody who lives in the countryside. It's a negative word. I'll just look it up.

Hillbilly, American English, disapproving, a person who lives in the mountains and is thought to be stupid by people who live in the towns.

Kim Is that word used in New Zealand?

Sarah No, I don't think so.

Kim So what do people in cities say about people in the country?

Sarah Um, maybe country bumpkin, I can't think of any other words.

Kim Is a country bumpkin the same thing as a hillbilly?

Sarah Yeah, I think so. Pretty much.

Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

Transcript:

Tech-savvy consumers are lining up today to be the first to purchase Sony’s brand new stupid piece of shit that doesn’t do the goddamn thing it’s fucking supposed to. Onion News Network Tech Trends reporter Jeff Tate has more.

Thanks, Brandon.

It’s being called the biggest fucking waste of your hard-earned money to come along in years. Sony’s new stupid box thing hit the shelves of crowded malls and overpriced electronic stores around the country today.

It’s got a whole bunch more… memory and megapixels, and whatnot than any of the other TV shit that I already have. I can’t wait to get home and spend my whole fucking night trying to figure the goddamn thing out.

If you can somehow claw and bite your way through the impossible-to-open packaging, this stupid piece of shit offers a wide variety of frustrating-as-hell functions, including flashing random fucking words and numbers on its display screen, not coming with the fucking little doohickey thing it’s supposed to, and being goddamned ass backward as fuck. Sony’s spokesman Alan Compton said the company designed this sucking, fucking, goddamn thing to make everyone in the modern home want to tear their fucking eyeballs out.

We listened hard to what our customers said they wanted the most out of their home entertainment system and then we pumped out this impossible-to-use fucking piece of shit.

Anyone mystified by the device’s numerous extraneous features can scroll through the interactive help menu, a labyrinthy maze of indecipherable topics of use to fucking no one.

We want people to be screaming in unison from houses across the country, “Work, work, you cock-sucking piece of shit! What is wrong with you? Why can’t you work like a normal machine?”

With a hundred million dollar nationwide campaign to plaster irritating ass advertisements for the retarded hunk of garbage every single goddamn place you look, Sony is expecting it to become the next fucking gizmo you absolutely have to fucking own if you don’t want to feel like a toothless hillbilly living in some hillbilly shack somewhere.

I love bullshit like this. You… I… basically I’ll buy any goddamn thing that I see in an ad.

The fucking piece of shit is available now, so run out and pick one up, and invite all of your friends over to see if any of them can figure out this motherfucking time vampire. Unless one of them is a rocket scientist, Sony pretty much guaran-fucking-tees they’ll have no chance. For the Onion News Network, I’m Jeff Tate.

Thanks, Jeff. Sony says they plan to release an upgraded 800 gigabyte version of this piece of shit by the end of the year… just when you’ve figured out the goddamn remote control for this one. It never ends… this shit.

links

today's news

Noko Jeans - site

Noko Jeans on twitter

today's STICK NEWS pictures

music

show start
artist: Kevin MacLeod
track: Future Cha Cha
from: Brooklyn, NY, United States
artist site

WOD start
artist: DJ iPep's
album: Home Mix 2007
track: Game Toy
from: EVREUX, France
album at Jamendo
artist at Jamendo
artist site

cws start
artist: Kevin MacLeod
track: The Jazz Woman
from: Brooklyn, NY, United States
artist site

qa start
artist: ioeo
album: triptracks
track: triptrack2
from: Saint Raphael, France
album at Jamendo
artist at Jamendo
artist site

qa bgm
artist: Ensono
album: Night Culture
track: Walking Dream
from: Vigo, Spain
album at Jamendo
artist at Jamendo

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