#822 When Life Gives You Lemons ...

Show 822 Thursday 11 September
Watch today’s show at YouTube or BlipTV.

Hi, I’m Sarah, welcome to The Daily English Show.

Today I’d like to talk about a video called: Life Lessons with Jon Lajoie. Jon Lajoie – I’m probably saying his name wrong – is a Canadian comedian. You might have seen his music videos like Everyday Normal Guy or Stay At Home Dad. Those videos are so funny, so go and watch them if you haven’t seen them already. And I’m going to talk about them another time too.

Life lessons is a parody of the kind of common advice that you see in self-help books or books of famous quotes or proverbs.

He starts every sentence with: so and so once told me …
My father once told me, or my grandmother once told me …

And the first part of the sentence sounds like it’s going to be the typical kind of advice that people give, and then he says something unexpected at the end.

So the first one starts: My father once told me: John, be strong. Strength will help you …. And you think he’s going to say something like: strength with help you deal with the many challenges that you will face in life. But instead he says: break things.
So you start off assuming he’s talking about emotional strength, but in the end he’s actually talking about physical strength.

The next one he says is: My grandmother once told me: John if you want to be successful in life … And you think the next bit might be: study hard and believe in yourself or be nice to people or whatever … but instead the end is: forget about it because you're a retard.

And in between what he’s saying, there are famous proverbs or sayings written on the screen – well the first parts are famous – and he has changed the endings.

So, the first one starts: When life gives you lemons ...

That is part of a famous saying which goes: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Which means that you should try and make the best of a bad situation. Kind of like: Every cloud has a silver lining. But instead of make lemonade, he changes it to: When life gives you lemons ... throw them at people who own expensive cars.

The Acadia Report

When we were visiting Acadia University last year the student elections were on. I filmed some of the campaign posters because I thought it would be interesting to study the language they used.

Some them were quite simple and to the point.
Vote Steve Barron for councillor at large.

And others were more creative and wrote things like rhyming slogans.
Vote for Chappy and he’ll make you happy.

Claire Bear Countdown … this is a take-off of the Care Bears which were popular characters in the 80s.

So what if you can’t pronounce my last name?
This girl played on the fact that she has an unusual last name.

These people campaigned as a group called Team Easy.
We ain’t sleazy, we just easy!

And I thought this poster was pretty funny.
Vote Matt Chapman. He’ll be like your favourite bra and support you.

STICK NEWS

Kia Ora, in Stick News today an oil spill in Alberta, Canada has killed hundreds of birds.

On the 5th of December 2005 a company called Harvest Energy drilled an oil well, but they plugged and abandoned it a few days later.
On Monday a crew were surveying in the region and discovered the well was leaking.
Up to 90 barrels of oil had leaked from the well.
A spokesperson says it’s not clear why it happened or for how long oil seeped from the well.
They said it was a highly unusual spill because most leaks happen at wells that are being drilled or are just going into production.
The Globe and Mail has reported the spill killed up to 500 ducks and swallows.
A Greenpeace spokesperson said the spill: “really points to the fact that the environment in Alberta is not under good hands or good management right now. Things are really spinning wildly out of control,” he said.
The vice-president for the Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers, said that the incident was “unfortunate” and that the industry would examine it closely.
“What the industry needs to do, and will do, is take steps to learn from this,” he said. “We need to make sure we are doing an appropriate job.”

And that was Stick News for Thursday the 11th of September.
Kia Ora.

Word of the Day

Today’s word is spill. If you fill your cup up too much you might spill it when you pick it up.
Like this.

conversations with sarah
#506 What do you think of Sarah Palin?

Step 1: Repeat Momo’s lines.
Step 2: Read Momo’s lines and talk to Sarah.

Momo What do you think of Sarah Palin?

Sarah Well, she has an awesome name.

Momo I knew you were going to say that.

Sarah And if you rearrange the letters in her last name, it spells plain.

Momo Mmm, it does too. Seriously, though …

Sarah I don’t know, I haven’t read anything about her, except that she calls herself a “hockey mum”.

Momo I saw that too. What does that mean? All her kids play hockey?

Sarah Yeah, I guess so. But actually, it sounds like it’s some kind of stereotype.

Momo What do you mean?

Sarah Like, it’s not about whether your kids play hockey or not, if you’re a “hockey mum”, then it means you’re a certain kind of person.

Momo What kind of person?

Sarah I don’t know. I’ve never head it before.

Life Lessons with Jon Lajoie

My father once told me: John, be strong. Strength will help you break things.

When life gives you lemons ...
... throw them at people who own expensive cars.
a 1995 Camry car owner

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Dale Carnegie

My grandmother once told me: John if you want to be successful in life, forget about it because you're a retard. I'm not sure what she meant by that, but I'm pretty sure it's good advice.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
Alien vs Predator 2 is the movie version of that book.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
Thomas Jefferson

My brother once told me: punch, kick, stab, punch, kick, stab. Just kidding. Those were things that he was doing to me. We weren't very close.

We have nothing to fear but fear of tigers.
tiger attack survivor

We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

My grandfather once told me: John, when the going gets tough ... and then he fell down the stairs. He never did finish that thought.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world
look funny because nobody has eyes.
Todd Gandhi

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

My best friend once told me: give me your wallet or I'm going to blow your fucking head off.
That was the first and last time we ever hung out. But it was awesome.

History is written by those who own functional pens.
a famous pen company

History is written by those who win.

A wise old man once told me: I'm a wise old man so I'm allowed to touch you in the bathing suit area.
He taught me a lot of things.

All the world's a stage. A racist stage.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts …etc
Shakespeare, As you like it.

My uncle once told me: believe in yourself, work hard, and try not to have sex with other people's wives.

I played twins in Double Impact.
Jean-Claude Van Damme

I will leave you with these words of wisdom. It's not what your country can do for you,
but what your country can steal from other countries.

Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.
John F. Kennedy, inaugural address, 1961

Good night.

links

today's news
today's STICK NEWS pictures

music

show start
artist: Boom Tschak
album: Indietronic CCBit.
track: More Chocolate, Please
from: Former Yugoslavia
MySpace

The Acadia Report start
artist: DJ iPep's
album: Home Mix 2007
track: Concerto
from: EVREUX, France
album at Jamendo
artist at Jamendo
artist site

WOD start
artist: DJ iPep's
album: Home Mix 2007
track: Game Toy
from: EVREUX, France
album at Jamendo
artist at Jamendo
artist site

cws start
artist: Wolfgang S.
album: Indietronic CCBit.
track: Dynamite
from: Belgrade, Serbia, Former Yugoslavia
artist site
MySpace

qa start
artist: ioeo
album: triptracks
track: triptrack2
from: Saint Raphael, France
album at Jamendo
artist at Jamendo
artist site

qa bgm
artist: Ensono
album: Night Culture
track: Waking Dream
from: Vigo, Spain
album at Jamendo
artist at Jamendo

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